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David Lissner
for restaurants

Size matters! Be the big man at the wienie roast with this Chicago hot dog

The Big Hot Dog.

The Big Hot Dog.

You no longer need to be embarrassed by your puny hot dog, you can have the biggest wiener at the cookout!

Gorilla Tango Novelty Meats, a strange new sideline for the folks behind Chicago’s Gorilla Tango Theatre, introduces the Big Hot Dog, a 16-inch-long, 4-inch-diameter, 7-pound wienie.

No ordinary Chicago-style dog, this frankenfurter is made of 100-percent veal, beef and pork and sells for $39.95 plus shipping by mail order only. It’s skinless (of course — you wouldn’t want to meet the animal that could supply a natural casing for a sausage that size!) and made fresh weekly for Gorilla Tango by the meat masters at Schmeisser’s Home Made Sausage of Niles.

The massive hot dog is meant to be cooked and eaten by being sliced into patties and served on hamburger buns. You’ll really have a good time at the wienie roast with one of these! (Cue music.) One Big Hot Dog is about 50 servings.

Impetus for the product, its producers say, came from Denny Abbate, the father of Gorilla Tango owner Dan Abbate, who couldn’t keep his ordinary hot dogs from rolling off his grill and landing on the ground, “It pissed me off to have to bend down and wipe the damn things off,” he said.

If the Big Hot Dog isn’t a big enough joke, Gorilla Tango also markets the Big Ass Hot Dog, an identical giant frank with even cornier packaging.