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The David Leonardis Report: Again

David Leonardis

David Leonardis

Hello, Folks.

Here we are again. I’m glad to say I extended my contract with TGO, which will keep the DLR happening for some time to come.

I was watching “Crazy in Alabama.” Kinda watching it. It’s a chick flick, you know. Anyway, there’s a fun soundtrack and the line from the Nancy Sinatra song is sticking with me: “You keep lying. When you oughta be truthing.”

Isn’t that the story of almost every failed relationship? I was talking to another 40-something friend who’s in the single club about the “Dating Experience.” When you’ve been single for as long as we have, you get pretty set in your ways. Not that I’m not open to change, it’s just that as long it’s on my terms, then it’s a lot cooler. Do you hear me talking out there?

I was in the movie “High Fidelity” as an extra. The play at Pipers Alley was great. The actor/singers were all really in to it.

One of the themes of the movie was the top five … the top five things he liked about Laura … the top five girls who broke his heart … the top five songs about death. Then the person giving the top five would usually go for six or 10.

The lead asked the audience to think of their top five break ups. This in turn made me think of my top five most psycho girlfriends ever. Like in the play I seemed to come up with six. At the very least.

One of them, I recently told a friend, had slid into the number-six spot. My friend was surprised that particular ex was not in the top five. Funny how that happens. I didn’t need a musical number to convince me to put her on the list.

I’ll say this, though. They were all lovely girls and I’m sorry things didn’t work out. Really. A doyenne of society once taught me that a gentleman that has gone through a difficult break-up is merely supposed to tell people, when asked what happened that, “She was a lovely girl and I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”

I’ve taken it upon myself to tell this to my many male friends who have had need for just such advice. Men aren’t taught this in great numbers, so we can get a bad rap. Now that I’m telling you all I feel like I’ve really made an impact.

Sometimes I need to explain this to a young lady about her breakup with a man. The women seem to have a harder time accepting that this is an appropriate statement. They start to tell stories and the sordid details. I always step in and try to explain that even though it may be difficult, it’s easier to just say the simple words taught to me by the doyenne. Sometimes it takes a minute, but eventually most people agree.

It’s kinda like my whole thing with people needing to be educated to buy art. It’s not something that’s taught to most people, and then it takes a lifetime to figure out sometimes. But once you get the hang of it, endless possibilities are opened up.

The actor who played the Jack Black role was totally cracking me up. He was dead on. Hilarious. He had a couple solo numbers and I think he was my favorite character.

The John Cusack character actor was really versatile. I mean, he was the star, so he had to make us like him, and he did.

It was an ensemble cast. If I might say so there were several young ladies in the cast who were quite attractive. A little something for everyone. I say five stars for “High Fidelity.” Show up, and you won’t be disappointed.

When I heard that they would be filming “High Fidelity” in the neighborhood, I just had to be a part of it. I got cast as an extra for like fifty something dollars a day.

Two wailing days. I had lunch with Sara Gilbert. She was the daughter on “Roseanne” and was on “Little House on the Prairie” with her sister, Melissa Gilbert, too. I had a crush on Melissa Gilbert growing up. She was real cute.

I will say this about Sara Gilbert. She was real cool. She chose to eat with the extras. She’s practically acting royalty her self and she was real cool. Very laidback. She had a great vibe. I can’t say for sure what color her aura was but it was very calm. She’s for sure not the type to stick up a convenience store. Although I’m sure she would have considered Todd Bridges and the late Dana Plato her peers back in the early ’80s.

I was in the club scene and was next to the DJ booth and John Cusack.

You’re not supposed to talk to the stars on the set. Like they’ll throw you off the set if you do it. Remember the Christian Bale incident? Speaking of that incident — You heard about it right? He went off on a verbally abusive tirade for a mistake some guy made on the set — I heard firsthand from someone who was working on “Batman” that Bale was a real putz.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Be cool. Is that so much to ask? OK. While I’m at it, I’m going to say I liked the movie “High Fidelity” a lot, too. It’s a pretty entertaining way to tell a modern love story. I say go see it and look for me next to John Cusack near the DJ booth towards the end of the movie.

One of my other favorite characters in the play was the Tim Robbins character. He was supposed to be all calm and had handled Kurt Cobain’s Intervention. The joke, which wasn’t really all that funny, was, “How’d that turn out for you”? Not so good I guess.

Jeffrey Ross, who I met in NYC, was on the “Jimmy Kimmel Show” the other night and he was talking about a joke he was advised not to do at a roast. The roast was for Courtney Love and he said how was it possible that Courtney Love looked worse than Kurt Cobain. In very poor taste to be sure. However Jeffrey Ross said that Courtney Love went into rehab the next day and that in fact roasting people saves lives.

Which is kinda how I feel about trying to educate people to buy art. Every time I bring someone over to the side of the light, and they are now a better, more well-rounded, art-buying person, I feel like I really accomplished something. Sometimes I ruffle a few feathers while I’m doing it, but in the end, the world is a better place.

I went to Penny’s Noodle Shop recently and it was great. I used to live a half a block away from the original Penny’s Noodle Shop on Sheffield and I was the first customer. This was quite a while back, and I’ve craved the tom kha gai coconut soup ever since. I also ordered the gyoza, which is a dumpling, and it has a great sauce that goes with it. I had the pad thai with tofu as well. The whole meal and a 20-percent tip is less than $20. A bargain to have a really enjoyable meal.

I was chatting with a new friend in Italy on Facebook the other day and she was very pro-Obama and also very anti-Berlusconi. I guess he controls the media and the politics and he’s more like a dictator. Well, I wanna say right here and now how grateful I am for free speech. I mean I like paid speech better, but I love that I get to say what I want, ’cause this is America, and if you can entertain people, then anything goes.

Well, I hope you found today’s rant to be entertaining, and I look forward to writing a new report in two weeks. The new arrangement and all.

Oh, and call me up, for God’s sake, and buy some art!

Thanks for reading. DL