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The David Leonardis Report: More of my jam-packed summer

David Leonardis

David Leonardis

Here we go again. Jam-action-packed is definitely not enough to describe this summer for me.

I just went to my 30th Cubs home game. I’m well on my way to breaking my single season’s Cubs home game attendance record of 33 set last year. I’m thinking 40 games this year is a pretty reasonable expectation of success.

My lead attorney on my David Leonardis Legal Team always asks me to consider, in anything I choose to endeavor, if I have a reasonable expectation of success. Good advice, to be sure.

Speaking of reasonable expectation of success, after watching the Cubs go down in flames against the Phillies three in a row, I’m starting to remember there was a reason for the old saying, “Wait until next year.” I don’t think it’s a curse. It’s more like: we live such a good life here in Chicago, and Wrigley is so cool, that we’re all content.

Remember in “Goodfellas,” when Jimmy, Tommy and Henry go over to Tommy’s mother’s house to pick up a shovel? That woman is Martin Scorsese’s real mother. Anyway, she asks Henry why he’s so quiet. He says that he’s just listening.

So she tells him that he reminds her of the Camparis who would come and visit. There was this one man who was always quiet. He would just sit there and not say a word. She says to him, “What’s the matter, Campari? Don’t you talk? Don’t you say anything”? So he says, “What am I gonna say, that my wife, she two times me?” His wife says to him, “Shut up. You’re always talking.” But in Italian it sounds much nicer. Tommy chimes in and says the man was a jerk. He’s content to be a jerk. He doesn’t care who knows it. He’s content.

The players, the management, the owners and the fans of the Chicago Cubs have all been content for way to long. The fans are of course the real owners. What if the entire city of Chicago pledged to not go to a single game at Wrigley Field for an entire season? What do you think would happen? Would the Chicago Cubs go out of business? No. The team would pony up George Steinbrenner-type money and buy every top-rated player in the league. Then after that season they would go on a World Series-winning marathon the likes of which have never been seen before.

If you put it in those terms, that is the only way the Cubs are going to have a reasonable expectation of success at winning the World Series anytime soon.

Now I know we spent a lot of money for Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome and Milton Bradley, but we pinched other pennies to do it. What is up with the Mark DeRosa trade?! I mean really. It wasn’t just that we needed Bradley, it’s that we needed to add him and not delete DeRosa. Why couldn’t we have both? I’ll tell you why. ’Cause they were pinching our pennies for us. We, and by “we” I mean the entire Cubs fandom, need to either have the reasonable expectation that the Cubs’ chances of going to the World Series are like a spit in Hell.

Or we need to go on a unified strike to get something done. Now, I’m in if you all are.

But I’ll tell you what a more reasonable expectation is. That we just go to as many games a year as we can and watch and enjoy the Cubs and Wrigley Field and remove the expectation of a World Series win. By doing so we can release all of the heartbreak and stress that we all feel watching the Cubs not be able to beat Philly and or any one else who stands in our way of achieving our goal that has a winning record.

OK. I’m glad I got that off my chest. Now how about this for a Major League Baseball policy? This is what is really at the root of the recent problem at Wrigley where the Cubs fan threw a beer at Philly outfielder Victorino. When you go to another team’s ballpark, don’t act like a jerk. This of course goes both ways for the fans at their own ballparks. Don’t cheer when the opposing team makes a mistake. Don’t jump up and down and scream and talk smack about the other team. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself and think it’s funny because you’re in another team’s stadium and that team’s losing.

For sure, if it’s your team, don’t boo. Now, that is a really no-class act. Although I was tempted when Jeff Samardzija got blown out against Philly this week. I stayed on the right side of it. Thank God, Lou handled it like any good manager and sent him packing down to AAA ball. What you’re supposed to do is cheer for your home team. They always do better when you cheer.

I have two Japanese cheers that I do when Fukudome is up to bat. He almost always gets a hit or works a walk when I do it. “Gamballay, Fukudome! Ute, Fukudome!” Come on, now. Do the chant. It helps. I’ve seen it work. And if you’ve been at Wrigley for the last two seasons you probably have heard me, too.

The Philly fans are second only to Milwaukee Brewers’ fans for coming to Wrigley Field and acting like obnoxious, rude, no-class, jerks. Of course, first place goes to the Chicago White Sox fans. The Philly and Brewers fans are the type of people that, if they lived in Chicago, they would be White Sox fans. My gf is a White Sox fan. My publisher is a White Sox fan, too. But you would be lying if you didn’t admit that White Sox fans, for the vast majority, are over-the-top, obnoxiously vocal about their hatred of Cubs fans. Rivalry is one thing. But what that is really about is a class struggle. I mean Rodney King said it best, “Can’t we all just get along?”

Now I like to go to the White Sox games here, and if I can catch one when I’m traveling, too. I’m going to see the White Sox vs. the Red Sox next week in Boston. I’ll be in town for my cousin’s country club wedding. Good work, Andrew.

Anyway, when I go to a White Sox game I sit there and enjoy the park, keep my mouth shut and watch the public spectacle. It’s always fun and a lot easier that way.

If the Cubs fan hadn’t been so caught up in the intense rivalry and taunting that goes on between the fans, I’m sure he wouldn’t have acted like a schmuck and thrown the beer. Did he act like a schmuck? Yes. Did Victorino act like a little crybaby by filing a police report? ABSOLUTELY! How pathetic is that? I mean how much more does he need to get paid to have a don’t-act-like-a-crybaby clause in his contract? I mean, really. Shades of Moises Alou and Steve Bartman. If Alou weren’t such a crybaby himself, the Cubs would have overcome the obstacle and five outs later, we would have been in the World Series.

I remember when I was in junior high and some kid squirted me with water. I was upset, and the teacher told me, “What? Are you going to melt?” Should that kid have been charged with assault and banned from school forever? At the time, that sure would have been some sweet justice for me. But that’s not how it goes in the real world. Victorino must live in a world where when someone throws a beer at you, you file a police report and act all indignant and on a high horse about how offended you are. How since he’s so above reproach some fan caught up in the moment that has been created and allowed by Major League Baseball for decades needs to have legal action taken against him.


All right then. Come on out and check out the cool, happy fun art I sell at the David Leonardis Gallery. My next openings are Sept. 4 and Sept. 11. All the openings are from 6–10 p.m. and all the art, which looks great in your house, is guaranteed to make you a better, more well-rounded person.

That’s it for this week’s David Leonardis Report, and we’ll see you next time.

I think by now it almost goes without saying that I am super proud, pleased and thankful that you are reading this. But I will say it again. Thanks a super bunch for reading.

Now call me up and buy some art.